Some Quick Notes

I just finished a book from the library written by 2 American Korean sisters. The title says it all - Top Of the Class - How Asian Parents Raise High Achievers and How You Can Too. It's very readable. It seeks to explain why the percentage of Asian students enrolled at the top US colleges is disproportionately higher when they are no more intelligent than any other race or ethnic group. Thought before I return the book to note down some of the "secrets" and share with you. I don't have the time to write a review though - now being June Hols ;-)

Secret 1: Instill a love and need for learning & education
- be a role model yourself
- surround your kids with people who love learning & are in diverse fields
- incorporate learning into all your kids' activities so they don't associate learning primarily with school or homework

Secret 2: Instill a sense of family pride and loyalty
- teach your kid that his performance at school affects the entire family by celebrating successes or addressing failures together.

Secret 3: Instill a respect & desire for delayed gratification and sacrifice
- firmly believe that the rewards reaped through hard work, however delayed, are more satisfying than short-term accomplishments.

Secret 4: Clearly define your child's role as a student
- manage your kid's time after school carefully: establish a strict yet enjoyable schedule in order to constantly reinforce the role of student in your kid. (*But of course some Singaporean parents overdo this by packing the June hols with DAILY enrichment/tuition classes - recently debated topic in newspapers)
- teach your kid that being a full-time and lifelong student is both rewarding and fun.

Secret 5: Cultivate a respect for elders and for persons in positions of authority
- limit time spend watching TV. Make them understand that pop icons are not the norm!
- never tolerate disrespect for elders or authority figures
- it's okay to encourage your kid to be the teacher's pet - handing in quality work on time, being attentive and courteous in the classroom, etc

Secret 6: Play an active role in your child's education
- during parent-teacher meetings, be prepared to discuss your kid's weaknesses openly and without taking offense.
- time parent-teacher meetings to coincide with a fun family activity
- celebrate your kid's successes!
- prepare for standardized tests well in advance (*10 year series anyone)

Secret 7: Determine & develop your child's individual talents
- identify your kid's natural talents and provide them with opportunities to enhance and nurture these abilities. do your best to foster a passion for fields that showcase your kids' gifts.
- talk openly about your kid's professional plans and encourage careers that will secure your kid's interest and showcase his abilities while offering financial and job security.

Secret 8: Set clearly defined Short-term and Long-Term Goals
- actively involve your kid in the development of his short-and long-term goals. Have him write down his goals in a "goal notebook". This will increase his sense of accountability and thus his chance of succeeding.
- adopt a strong work ethic and an attitude of perseverance and attention to detail that your kid can emulate.

Secret 9: Teach your child the art of of valuing academic success over social status or popularity
- learn to view intellect and personality as far more effective builders of self-esteem than popularity or social status.
- celebrate your kid's academic achievements more than his social or sports-related triumphs will discourage him from clinging to measures of social status at school

Secret 10: Reward positive school performances & devise a plan of attack for poor school performances
- stress effort first and foremost, but don't forget about the importance of achievement! (I always tell my boys there is a difference between job done and job well done)
- it's okay to show your kid that you are proud of his effort yet unsatisfied with his performance. Undeserved praise will only do your kid a disservice.

Secret 11: Forget the "Do whatever makes you happy" mentality and strive for professions with financial security and intellectual fulfillment
- talk early and often with your kid about his career choices. s he gets older, schedule one-on-one meetings with him and between him and his educators and other mentors.
- teach your kid never to underestimate the physical, emotional and social havoc financial insecurity can wreak, even if one loves what he does for a living.
- to help determine the best career path for you kid, evaluate what he enjoys, what he is good at, what challenges him and what lifestyle he desires in the future.

Secret 12: Keep your money in perspective
- make your child pay for some, if not all, of his college education. this will instill in him an appreciation of how hard one has to work to make ends meet.

Secret 13: Limit extracurricular activities that interfere with school work
- limit your kid's ECA to 2 or 3 activities that he shows both an interest in and ability for.
- try to incorporate at least one artistic ECA into your child's routine
- juggling ECA will improve multitasking ability

Secret 14: Promote an environment of healthy competition
- use competition to bring out your kid's best effort and performance. A desire to win is healthy.
- have your kid adopt the attitude that losing in one competition can only help him win in another - if he learns from his mistakes.
- fear is a great motivator, as long as you don't let it paralyze you!

Secret 15: Surround your children with similarly minded friends and role models
- make it your business to find out as much as you can about your young kid's friends and their families.
- you have every right to tell you kids what to do and whom to hang out with - within reason, of course.
- even the oldest and strongest of friendship can changes over time, If you kid's friend is not a positive influence, the friendship should end.

Secret 16: Help your child view America as a great land of opportunity
- send him overseas to experience different cultures and ways of life
- encourage volunteering in the community to help the less fortunate or host a foreign exchange student

Secret 17: Accept responsibility with your children for their failures at school
- show your kids that you gladly share responsibility for their education by being enthusiastic and available when they need your help.

The authors also share where Asian parents go wrong - like when they deprive their kids of fun during their formative years by centering all activities around homework or goal-oriented activities. Or when they fail to impart / encourage the ability to speak different languages. Or when they put enormous amount of pressure on their children and don't think they are doing so.