on our own

Tricky business if you are unhappy about teachers....

Ethan had a not so "good" teacher in P2. He is a retired teacher and couldn't really engage the boys. i think the parent-teacher meeting i had with him must have been the shortest i have attended, cos he is also not comfortable with parents (and their questions). Some parents marched to the principal's office to complain. i only knew of it after the event and many other details emerged years later when i got to know some of these parents involved. The teacher wasn't replaced and the principal told the parents to focus on this teacher's strength. Today, i still see the teacher around and have also chatted with him. But i still hear complaints about him now and then.

Why did i not complain to the principal and why did the others do?

2 factors i think:

a) My expectations of the teacher

No doubt he was a disappointment after the super excellent P1 teacher, i felt that at the end of the day, he delivered what he was supposed to teach (that is, the syllabus). My disappointment (and the other parents' too) was that our boys had the "calibre' to be challenged further and he is just not doing that. That was a top class and the boys understood the basic lesson quickly and were soon bored. But papa and i discussed and felt that it really didn't warrant confronting the teacher or giving feedback to the principal. Instead, we talked to Ethan and encouraged him to remain respectful to the teacher and to ask question if he doesn't understand. After all, self-directed learning is far better than spoon-feeding and pressure to perform. Of course, not knowing that other parents were planning to do so, was helpful.

b) Influence from other parents

As in strikes and demonstrations or group outpouring of unhappiness, there is usually someone who assumes the position of power and influences the rest so as to gather support. In our case, it was the mum of the top boy. About a third of the parents went to see the principal. One parent who didn't respond to the call told me that she pitied the form teacher. "Poor thing lah, so old, I don't have the heart to complain". Another parent told me that she didn't "complain" about the teacher when speaking to the principal but instead suggested that the form teacher be taken out of Art and PE responsibilities, so that he can focused on English and Math.


My point is: we are all responsible for our actions and we all have choices on how to respond. Of those parents who were approached to join in the "mutiny", some joined, some didn't. Of those who joined, there were also those who chose not to focus on the weaknesses of the teacher to attack, but instead offered solutions to the problem.

2 years after this event, i bumped into this mum at school. Our boys are still in the same class and this time the form teacher is someone who has just won the President's Award for teachers. The irony now is that this mum complained that the teacher (who is also HOD) is too busy to do a proper teaching job. i felt during that conversation, she was sussing me out on the possibility of bringing the matter up to the principal. i think i said something like "let's monitor the situation". That was the first time we have spoken and i can see why some parents are persuaded. Her son is consistently the top boy in school. She has an older boy who is also in one of the top secondary schools. Naturally, some will think that she is a competent parent and would listen to her opinions. This year, she called me to congratulate me on Ethan's qualifying for the second round of a math competition together with her son and one other boy. She told me she went to the organisers' website so she knew. i don't even know who the organiser is in the first place, let alone monitor their result, lol. She is a nice lady overall. But she is also a super-on mother. Any skin thinner than mine will feel like a lesser mum.

At the end of the day, i must make my own decisions, independent of what the other parents think. And if i decide to speak up, i hope to choose to do it in a mature manner, willing to listen to the other party as well. i hope i will never ever choose to gripe and gripe and poison other parents. To those who choose this path, i will say (if i have the guts), just pull out your son and go to another school. Good riddance.