Sharing. Sorrow.

A friend sms me in a taxi on the way to hospital. She was just 3 days to welcoming her firstborn. No heartbeat was found. Would you tell other people there and then if you were her? Who would you have shared with? This friend is a colleague, we were working together at that time. Unfortunately, she lost her baby. My then boss thought she (the boss) would save my friend from the unwelcome task of telling the bad news to fellow workers in our field of work who might ask about the birth. But my friend was upset when she found out cos she felt that she was strong enough to handle questions about her baby. In fact, throughout the ordeal, she kept us in the loop via sms and we visited her when she told us she was ready to see us.

Here is someone who had experienced unspeakable pain and sorrow. But she walked through the difficult period very much in control of who and when to share her grief. (Her darkest hour has passed :) She is a happy mother of 2 kids now)

i bumped into a mummy friend sometime back. i haven't seen her for a long time since our boys graduated from kindergarten. i eagerly asked her how she was and the first thing she said was she has separated from her husband. Time did not permit us to talk further other than for her to share that she is now working (she was a stayhome mum in the past) and the divorce proceedings unfortunately have dragged on without a conclusion yet. And yesterday i received a call from a parent volunteer. She is going through a nasty divorce and wouldn't be able to help out in the school for the rest of the year. These 2 women are not my close friends, just acquaintances. And yet, they chose to disclose something so personal at the point of our contact when they could have chosen not to.

i admire their courage in sharing. i guess for certain issues, being open about it sometimes helps you to move on. But the decision to share or disclose rests on the person concerned. If they are already in some difficulty or another, having the control of who and when and how much to share is important to them. As friends we have to respect that space.

i'm now waiting to hear from a friend. Much as i wish to be part of what he is going through, i can only wait and pray....