Whose?

A friend posted in FB yesterday that she is stressed that some mid-year exam papers will start one day earlier in view of polling day. Other parents whom i know quickly agreed to her sentiments :(

i can understand if the primary school child of hers posted this instead of her. Errr, actually, if a primary school pupil were to post the same status, i would be worried too :( Just a minor (to me) adjustment to the exam time-table, the stress level of parents increases.

i'm not mocking them. Neither am i on the opposite end of coolness. But isn't it taking it too far when we are not the ones taking the exams? Our kids need to OWN their responsibility in their education. If they get things done BECAUSE you were there to nag, scold or bribe them, the outcome of the exams is meaningless to them. Instead, the outcome means ALL the world to you - if they do well, you feel a sense of relief and pride; if they don't you feel angry and disappointed (after all that you've done).

One friend of mine could lose sleep over her kid's "poor" showing in a test as she feels tremendous pressure to make sure her kid does well.


i'm all for being an involved parent. But being involved means to encourage and to coach; and to have lots of conversation :) i've a friend who is an interesting example. She has 2 kids: one who is very bright and the other is dyslexic (but i have no doubt he is a very bright boy as well). The older one loves math - to the extent of keeping math journals :) He thinks of his own formulas! My friend recognizes this and buys higher level (as in pre-u level) 2nd-hand math books for him and links him up to friends' kids who are in university right now and who could help him in those math questions. Note hah, she didn't send him to "enrichment" classes. She also brings this son to open houses to encourage him to think about which secondary school to go to. As for her younger boy, she reads up all she can on dyslexia, attends relevant talks and helps him in his school work using those strategies that she has learned. She is very hands-on in coaching the younger one because doing homework can be/is a source of frustration for kids with dyslexia. And at the same time, she makes sure that he leads an otherwise "normal" life by joining CCAs in school etc.

If the mental health of my friend is tied to the academic performance of her 2 kids, i think she would have gone crazy long ago. Instead, my friend is a confident, warm, humorous and intelligent person. i love to listen to her accounts of conversations she has with her kids! Those conversations are just so precious and funny. If you can't recall any recent conversation with your kids that is worth remembering, about time to start one :)

Back to owning responsibility - Ethan is taking PSLE this year. Do i feel stressful? Honestly, no, at this point of time. But that doesn't mean i don't care about the exams or the secondary school he goes to. We talk about that now and then. Aim for which school? Go for DSA or not? Through our conversations, i also reflected and clarified my own expectations.

The following is a beautiful poem by Diane Loomans, which you can also watch it here:

http://www.ifihadmychildtoraiseagain.com/index.html

If I had my child to raise over again,

 

I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.

 

I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.

 

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

 

I would care to know less, and know to care more.

 

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

 

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

 

I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.

 

I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.

 

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

 

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

 

I'd teach less about the love of power,

 

And more about the power of love.

You see, parenting is hard work - painting, connecting, watching, knowing, playing, hugging, running, loving - you don't need more stress, you need peace :)

Shalom to you & me :)